The Marriage Secret That Still Works!

Bengaluru : In our series on modern marriages, young couples from across India discuss how they deal with differences of opinion, lifestyle preferences and personal choices.

Here, Bhanu Iyer from Bengaluru tells us how trust, forgiveness and mutual understanding have made their love grow stronger over 15 years.

March 23, 2008. I will never forget this date in my life. That was the first time I met Karthik through a common friend. I never imagined that it would lead to us spending our lives together.

It all started with a casual date. We kept meeting each other for more than two years before we tied the knot on November 12, 2010.

Apart from his striking looks, what attracted me to Karthik was his honesty and his gentle, kind nature.

Like most girls, I too had a dreamy vision of how our life post marriage would look like.

But as the quote goes, 'Love involves a peculiar unfathomable combination of understandings and misunderstandings.'

It was tough initially. Karthik and I had our fair share of misunderstandings and conflicts in the first few years.

But during those times we would ensure that no matter how bad or big the conflict was, we would not go to sleep with misunderstandings or bitterness in our minds. We would talk and sort it out then and there.

I believe this small arrangement really helped us in the long run.

I imagine friction in a relationship like the friction between a new set of tyres and the road.

Just as in life, when you introduce rubber tyres to the road, there is friction. But as you keep driving, it adapts to the surface and eventually the ride becomes smoother.

In the same way, the misunderstandings we experienced in the early years of our relationship became the foundation of the strong, enduring and loving bond that we share today.

When I look back at the 15 years of our marriage, there have been multiple occasions where Karthik has stood by me like a strong pillar of support, especially during my personal tragedies.

I lost my mother due to COVID-19 in the year 2020, a tragedy that upended my life.

I was able to overcome that sense of personal loss only due to Karthik's constant support and backing.

At the most unexpected moments, he would come and give me a warm hug or say a few loving words of comfort.

These kind of simple gestures are enough to keep the relationship going. And Karthik understands this very well.

Similarly, whenever there is a conflict, I have seen that both husband and wife tend to raise their voices and throw their resentment to each other. However, when I am upset or raise my voice, Karthik keeps quiet and listens (it could be that he ignores parts of it :)).

To give you an example, for as long as I can remember, I have been extremely particular about cleanliness and hygiene.

Naturally, this simple habit has been the cause of many of our small disagreements after marriage.

Over the years, my husband has learned that the best way to handle such moments is to let me vent because he knows that arguing or defending only makes things worse.

Just like he has stood by me during my tough times, I have been a key contributing factor in his professional success and endeavours. It was a huge decision for me to quit my job in Chennai and join him in Bengaluru to support him and take care of our daughter.

But he has never made me regret that decision.

These small sacrifices and mutual understanding have made us respect each other and steadied our relationship.

With one earning member, we may not be able to chase certain luxuries but we find our happiness in small moments where we spend quality time together as a family.

For us, happiness does not mean travelling to some exquisite location. It could be planning each other's birthdays, celebrating festivals together and having a simple meal home-cooked meal.

After so many years of saving, we finally managed to buy a 3BHK in Bengaluru.

When we got the keys, it felt like a dream-come-true moment. But the last few months have been crazy for all of us.

As Karthik was busy with work, he trusted me completely to plan the interiors and oversee every little detail of our new home.

When we finally moved in last month, he acknowledged my effort in front of our family and friends, giving me full credit for transforming the house into a warm and welcoming home.

Today, it remains our favourite place -- a space where we find comfort, peace and togetherness.

Over the past 15 years, Karthik and I have experienced our share of highs and lows, just like any couple. If our journey has taught us anything, it is this: No one is perfect.

We have to learn to accept each other's imperfections, forgive ourselves and each other every day.

For a relationship to thrive, we must give each other the space to grow while nurturing faith in one another.

Trust and forgiveness is the foundation of every happy and lasting marriage. Everything else is built around it.